Happy Father's Day, dad!
Most likely - puzzling the pieces together - you were Hans Lotzow (Lowtzow? von Lowtzow?) from Hamburg, Germany. Who - in 1966 - offered my half brother and my mother food and shelter when they had none and winter was about to set in. You were just divorced and your house (and heart?) was empty because your child (children?) had (just? Some years earlier?) moved out with his/her/their mother. So, thank you for giving my mom and brother what they needed most in a time of distress, I guess.
Three years ago the woman you probably remarried and still lived at the address I found among my late mother's belongings on a hand written slip of paper (why would anyone keep a tiny slip of paper with a name and misspelled address on it in a to me unfamiliar handwriting for over fifty years? If not for planning to one day tell the whole story?) told a friend of mine (thank you, friend! Unfortunately the lady wouldn't talk to me, nor provide the details I figured would help me find closure.) you had passed away in 1984. Coincidentally the same year my grandmother died.
I would like ('If I may, to take you on a strange journey') the name of the cemetery where your (old? Tired? Sick? Young? Troubled? Content?) bones were laid to rest so I could say hello and goodbye and learn to know what kind of man you were.
Did you like jazz or prefer classical music? Did you play an instrument? According to my mother 'your father was a boxer/a writer of children's books/a (Austrian) swimming instructor for disabled children/a (Russian) piano teacher/a (Swedish) submarine captain captured by the Nazis and given the choice to work for Hitler or have his sub torpedoed with his crew inside and worked as a double spy (I liked that story! Made me feel my dad was some sort of hero.)'.
Did you help Jews or Hitler? Or did you simply try to live through a war you didn't ask for? Where you a cat lover or prefer to walk a dog? Did you smoke or drink? Is there something your child(dren) would like to share with me, his/her/their half brother?
Perhaps some day a private detective (who will pick up his efforts to search for details surrounding your existence when the Covid-19 lockdown is lifted) will be successful in tracking down your sibling(s) and find them willing to talk to me.
What was there in your genes that could explain some things about me that can't be explained looking at my mother?
At least she was being honest (I like to think she was often honest) when as an adult I asked her why as a child I often felt not wanted. She put a hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes and said: 'I have good news for you, son: your feelings weren't deceiving you.'
I wish they had.
But things are as they are and I love her and often felt loved by her. If only I knew a bit more about you, dad. Because I'd really like to love you too.
Happy Father's Day, dad, whoever and wherever you are.
This song's for you:
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