From personal experience I can say I've been denied a job because of the colour of my skin: the company stated 'you won't feel comfortable in the office surrounded by only whites'.
An other time I was also denied a job because of my skin colour: 'We're very sorry, momentarily we're only hiring people of colour to show we're anti-racist and the government gives us money if we hire more blacks, gays and women. (I'm part Indonesian, part German, with a touch of Irish and Scandinavian) so you don't qualify. Would you happen to know a black lesbian?'
At an other company I was told I wouldn't feel at home 'because there are no other gays in this company'. I told them that doing volunteer work for the LGBT community doesn't turn a heterosexual man into a lesbian, nor does working for Philips turn you into a lightbulb (but you can be screwed) or going to church makes you a Christian. Or standing in a garage makes you a car, holding drumsticks makes you a great drummer, and so on and so forth. But they didn't see the joke.
There were times I got an interview thanks to my application and motivation letter. When I entered they just laughed and send me out with a cup of coffee. They thought a friend had pulled a prank on them. I didn't see the humour in that.
Girls wanted to er.. 'be' with me 'because I never had one like you'.
When I went shopping with my mom shopkeepers asked her what size shoes I was or pointed at the children's section. I'm 4ft7 (1.40m) and have a touch of 'Asian' in my skin colour. It's probably why people from all over the world automatically start talking to me in the language of the country their parents are from. They ask me for directions or a cigarette in Turkish, Swazi, German, Gaelic, Indonesian and Frysian. Which I think is kinda cool.
For all of the above (and more. Like experiences from friends and other loved ones) I think what it feels like to be judged on looks and prejudice. Therefore I will be at Dam Square later today. Because it is about me. And you. And my neighbours. And my children. And my future grandchildren.
Here's a post by Kevin Groen, copied with his permission:
(I'll save your post. Might come in useful. Not in the least as a reminder for myself when I feel inclined to judge people on their looks. So, yeah, thanks Kevin Groen:)
๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐’๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
(last night FB apparently deleted this post, which is both ridiculous & unfortunate because it got a lot of attention, so I'm reposting it ❤️๐ฅ✊๐ผ)
Dear whyt person, so you want to post on your social media to show your support and solidarity in fighting racism. I appreciate your intention, and I would like to provide you with some tips on how to do this in a helpful way, rather than the typical well-intentioned less helpful (and sometimes downright hurtful and destructive) ways.
So let’s begin shall we.
.
๐ช๐๐๐-๐๐ก๐ง๐๐ก๐ง๐๐ข๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐ข๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฆ๐ง๐๐ก๐๐ฆ
1. ONLY SHARING HOW OUTRAGED YOU ARE
By only sharing how outraged you are, you are making it all about you and your emotional state, taking away from the PoC whose outrage should be center stage.
Also don’t share how despondent / helpless you feel, it really isn’t about how you feel, and besides you can also educate yourself on what you as a whyt person could be doing instead. There’s plenty of education materials out there that explain what actions whyt folks can take to be a real ally.
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2. STATING THAT RACISM & WHYT SUPREMACY ARE BAD
PoC have been screaming for centuries that racism & whyt supremacy are bad, we know it is bad, we’re suffering from it every single day of our lives. You saying that doesn’t change the narrative, doesn’t change the system, doesn’t do anything but drowning out voices who speak real truth to power.
But most importantly, when you say that racism & whyt supremacy are bad, you’re excluding yourself from it. You’re denying that you yourself grew up in a whyt supremacist society, inheriting whyt supremacy, and you ignore the fact that you are benefiting from it, and are complicit in upholding it.
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3. SAYING THAT WHYT PRIVILEGE IS REAL
Yeah, news flash, PoC have been telling you that forever!! Stating the obvious doesn’t change the obvious. Whyt folks have been denying that whyt privilege is real forever, and you saying that it exists doesn’t educate in any meaningful way. It doesn’t change the narrative among other whyt folks about what whyt privilege means. It might cause a ‘yes’ vs ‘no’ discussion, but doesn’t get into the depths of how that privilege plays a role, in what ways it manifests etc.
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4. REPOSTING NEWS ARTICLES ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS
Reposting (mainstream) news items about current events, while useful in attracting attention, don’t necessarily change your narrative, unconscious beliefs, nor that of other whyt folks.
And sharing current news items that are depicting violence against PoC, especially black people being murdered might make you guily of traumap0rn, which continues the suffering of black people and PoC.
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Also points #1-4 might in truth be you just virtue signaling, and if you don’t know what virtue signaling is, chances are that you’ve done it.
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๐จ๐ฆ๐๐๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐ข๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฆ๐ง๐๐ก๐๐ฆ
If you want to be a real ally and use your social media for positive change, here’s an uncomfortable truth for you: you will have to put yourself out there, talk openly about guilt and shame, talk about your mistakes, your complicity, your ongoing learning, your identity as a whyt person.
Now you might be thinking “OMG, that’s too exposing, too scary, too painful!!”
Well, if you want to be a real ally, you’ll have to get your hands fucking dirty, and get uncomfortable, endure pain, confront your fears and everything else. And still whatever it is that you experience is nothing compared to what PoC experience every day!
So here’s what would be profoundly helpful for you to share in fighting racism
.
1. CHANGE THE NARRATIVE OF WHAT WHYT SUPREMACY, RACISM & WHYT PRIVILEGE LOOKS LIKE, SO YOU EDUCATE YOUR FELLOW WHYT FOLKS
Instead of saying that racism & whyt supremacy are bad, and that whyt privilege is real, it is important that you educate your fellow whyt folks on those 3 concepts. The best way for you to do so is by getting personal about your own experience.
So share your own personal stories of:
- How you learned about your whyt privilege.
Specific examples when you benefitted from your whyt privilege.
- Mistakes you have made in the past that were racist and upheld racism.
- How your whyt lens makes you see the world, and things you realised you don’t see through that lens.
- Specific examples of how your silence harmed PoC.
- Specific examples of your defensive behaviours when you received feedback from PoC.
-The process by which you started to become more aware.
Why are these stories important, because they educate other whyt folks on what whyt privilege looks like that is hard to deny. It makes the statement that whyt privilege is real come to life.
When you share your own personal experience of contributing to racism, it helps other whyt folks compare it to their own experience without being able to accuse you
.
Below are some questions that can get you started, and it would be a great starting point for you to share your answers on social media.
- What is your earliest memory that you can recall, that you realized being whyt was an advantage? How did you behave before that realisation? How did you behave after that realisation?
- What does it mean to be whyt for you? And how are youI benefiting from my whytness?
- What is a racist situation that you remember, looking back on, you wish you would have behaved differently? Why? And how would you wish you had behaved instead?
- How did you learn about whyt supremacy, racism, whyt privilege? What was painful? What was suprising? What shifted?
- What is something you believed when you were younger, that you don’t believe anymore? What triggered that shift?
- What is a book/film/documentary/talk/person that changed your understanding on race related issues? How did it change your understanding? How did it impact your behaviour?
.
And of course you can also share your success stories of when you were a good ally in action. But if you’re not willing to put yourself out there in public, if you're not willing to share your shame and guilt, if you’re not willing to get uncomfortable and endure some pain, then I do not trust you at all with being a real ally when it matters, because you are obviously not willing to do the inner work required to become one, and all you do is virtue signaling so you can feel good about yourself.
Don't post that you support anti-racism, show me that you are doing the work to be anti-racist!
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2. REPOST STORIES & EXPERIENCES SHARED BY POC
Media attention is important, and sure, big media has a huge reach. But also make sure you share actual stories and experiences posted by PoC who are directly affected by whatever it is that is happening in the world.
PoC voices need to be amplified, not just the voices of whyt-run mainstream media. Their stories are at the heart of experiencing oppression, their stories & experiences need to go mainstream when mainstream media doen’t report on them, and you can do that by reposting what they share.
Also, please share local stories & experiences from PoC. Only sharing content coming from USA may be tempting and sexy, but it also contributes to the belief that racism & white supremacy only happens over there. There are plenty of local stories & experiences from people in your surroundings you should be sharing, you just haven't paid attention!!
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3. SHARE EDUCATIONAL CONTENT (FROM POC)
Lots of PoC have created (e)books, articles, made movies, documentaries, podcasts etc. Please share their content. There’s so much educational content out there, and it is your responsibility to share it in your whyt circles. Of course whyt people like DiAngelo and Elliot get cited a lot, for good reason, just make sure you amplify educational content from PoC. So share about current events, but share even more educational content all your long.
.
Here are 2 resources from my page:
- ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ (15 ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐) - https://bit.ly/2ZQvfEm
- ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ - https://bit.ly/2AmLKgF
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And it goes without saying that if you only do the previously mentioned points once a year, you’re not really being an ally.
Fighting racism has to happen every damn day, and if you use your social media only once a year, you really are just virtue signaling.
The moment global uproar is over (e.g. George Floyd, burqa ban, anti-Asian sentiments), that’s when we (PoC) need you to continue your fight.against racism. Not only today, tomorrow, but also next week, next month, next year!
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I am looking forward reading more about your whyt journey in fighting racism by you sharing your own story <3
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PS: this isn’t a definitive list on how you should use your social media in fighting racism, but following these 3 principles all year long will definitely make you a better ally ❤️๐ฅ✊๐ผ
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Yes, it's hard to speak out. So what if we'd all do it together? Say, five o'clock Dam Square, protesting the brutal killing of American citizens by police officers? On the bus the next morning, in the supermarket, at the birthday party were this 'really nice and he only does this when he's drunk' uncle rants about how it's all the fault of 'De joden, surinamers, zigeuners, moslims!', depending on in which era he (or 'she'. Hey, who am I to judge?) is drunk?
It's hard to speak out when you're afraid to lose 'friends'. Or teeth.
I'm all for finding enduring solutions. Finding a cure for the cold, not develop better Kleenex.
Update: something that came up after I re-read above. When as a kid I got swimming lessons, the instructor wouldn't let me even go near the deep end. Explaining to my mom: 'He's so short that he might drown!' My mother was furious and I was confused because she had taught me that I should always do what authorities tell me to but here she was, throwing words at him I had my eight years older neigbour explain to me... Perhaps I should have confronted the instructor later in my life, explaining to him that size doesn't really matter that much in swimming. And why he thought that my ten centimeters taller classmates could still keep their heads above the water while standing at the bottom of the 3.5metres deep end of the pool but I could not. 'If you had taught me how to swim, I couldn't drown there and then, you [insert words my mother used at the time]!'
In my mind I never said: 'Well done! For a woman/a black kid/a homosexual/someone with one eye/a fan of the Backstreet Boys/asian/in a wheelchair/an old man.' Tip: if you don't know what to call a person, use his or her name. Yes, it's that simple.
Here's me answering the question: 'What shall I call you? Dwarf, midget, Lilliputian? Which sounds better to you? Because I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.' My reply: 'Thanks, I appreciate that! What shall I call you then? 'Negro, boy, monkey? Which one of these slurs makes you feel most comfortable?' 'Whoops! My bad. Sorry, Terrence.' 'That's okay, George.'
If I ever have (perhaps at the playground as a kid: 'Not bad for a girl! Weehee!' But not even then, I think.), I am very, very sorry. It is not nice to do such a thing. Not ever.
Except perhaps to jokingly say to a friend who is a Backstreet Boys fan.
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