Meditation

These days I meditate a lot.
More than I used to.
Twice a week I close myself off for the outside world,
fill my water bottle, get some tissues ready because you never know, feed the cat, get in a comfortable position
and close my eyes for some twenty minutes.

Breathing in through the nose, slowly exhale through the mouth.
Just me and my breath. Just being. There, here, now.
Everything else fades to the distance.
Except that sometimes it doesn't and I feel restless,
bored even, not being able to ignore the neighbour drilling a hole in his wall, the clatter of kitchenware through an open window of one of the people in my block. Feeling slightly frustrated. Maybe angry. And that's okay too.

See, feelings are not human so you can't attribute human emotions to them. Some make you feel at peace, some crank up the rhythm of your heart, some are painful. But what is 'bliss'? Annoyance? Pain? Or even 'happiness'? Are those feelings we are taught? If we'd let go of everything we are taught about feelings ('Oh, you fell down the stairs so you must be in pain!' 'Your girlfriend left you for another woman? What you feel now must be heartache!''You failed a test? Aha, you're frustrated!')...

What if we'd let go of all those - no doubt well intended - teachings and actually allow ourselves to feel and let those feelings be what they are: feelings? And simply acknowledge them?

Then I open my eyes, take a deep breath and a large gulp of nice cold water (and sometimes empty the half full bottle over my head), stretch my limbs, shake my head and slowly take in my surroundings. Often I see my cat. At my feet. Awake. Starring at my phone that shows a friendly face guiding me through the meditation. Or simply staring at something that I'm not aware of. That's fine.

I also see a little diffuser (an even tinier rubber penguin just in front of it), filled with a bit of water and a few drops of lavender oil, eucalyptus or whatever I sense is right for me and my breath at that particular moment in time.

A friend asked: 'Do you meditate with your eyes open?' And I replied:

Do you meditate (pray, burn a candle for a loved one, send out good thoughts to a people in turmoil, close yourself of with help of headphones, listening to gentle music)?

Care to share your experiences? It's okay if you do. It's okay if you don't. It's okay, it's okay.

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Want to read (more of) my short stories? My author page: Terrence Weijnschenk at Amazon